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I have always struggled with housekeeping. My father used it as a form of punishment when I was a child/teenager and to this day, at 48 years old, I still find it difficult to keep my apartment clean and sanitary.

I have managed a few times in the past two years to get the apartment acceptably clean, only to have it drop back off to unsavory within a few months. I always have the best intentions with trying to modify my habits though. For the first week I will make sure that all dishes make it into the sink and rinsed off, if not outright washed. I will make it a point to vacuum a few times a week. Change the litter box weekly instead of when it *must* be changed. I am able to keep all of that up for a week or two but then everything slides back to how it was before.

The nice thing is though that each time I hit the ‘breaking point’ and finally get everything taken care of, it stays good for a longer period and the breaking point comes sooner and sooner. I’m hoping that this is the year I can just get rid of the ‘breaking point’ all together and just get to the point where it’s all automatic and I just do shit that needs to be done when it actually needs to happen. Like many times in the past, I have hope that this will workout but little actual belief that it will. Just have to keep plugging away at it though.

If any of you have tips you would like to share, please feel free to leave them in the comments below. Hopefully 2020 will be a year of positive changes for me and all of us 🙂

With another night of sleep I am feeling a little better, and I know that will continue. It’s still frustrating though. Feeling like I have no real support group and only three people that I would consider friends right now makes it more difficult than it should be. I’m starting to look around for public board game nights and the like to start being social again. Some day I might even start dating again, now wouldn’t that be nice?

Apparently media have been bugging some of my tenants. Thankfully they haven’t camped out in front of my building like they have the building of the other Plymouth tenant that was a victim. I’m not sure how I would react to having vultures stare at me all day waiting for something ‘newsworthy’. I like to think it would involve calm and couth conversation, but really I would probably moon the camera and pee on their news van to establish dominance.

Been thinking of getting the stream back up and running and putting some energy into that again. I’ll definitely update here when that happens.

Ok, time to work. Have a peaceful day humans.

We had multiple shootings in downtown Seattle, three separate incidents over a 24 hour period. In one of those a long time tenant of mine was murdered. She was out with a friend and had nothing to do with the shooting, but she’s dead and her friend remains in serious condition in hospital.

I was not particularly close to this tenant and am not overly upset at her passing, much like I am not upset about Kobe Bryant’s passing. I didn’t know either of these people particularly well and don’t have an emotional connection to them. I am however very angry and don’t know how to direct that anger right now.

The level of gun violence has become insane since I was a kid in the ’70s. I am at the point that if my job did not require me to live on site, I would probably move. Living in Downtown Seattle has become miserable for me. After dealing with the murder on 3rd in front of my last building 3 years or so ago, I just don’t feel comfortable being downtown any more. Because of this I don’t leave my apartment unless I need to, and even then I will put off picking up meds by a day or two depending on how I am feeling.

I have no idea what to do about it any more. I have spent the weekend struggling with what old me would do. Old me would try to find the people that murdered her and beat them into a pulp then hand whats left to the police. Present day me is old, out of shape, and emotionally beat down so I crawled into a quarter ounce of weed this last weekend and allowed myself to process.

Sadly, I didn’t work much out. All I did was seem to cement that the world that exists outside my door is not the one I thought was there. The new world is more intrusive, seemingly more violent, more divisive, and certainly less of everything I used to love. I have found that I have almost no friends and I expect I did that myself. I catch myself feeling maudlin a lot of the time any more, wistful for what I used to think was a miserable existence but at times wish I could go back to so I could feel some level of innocence again.

Overall, I have felt mental health improvement over the past few years of being in this building, specifically over the past year, but I don’t feel anywhere as good mentally as I did 20 years ago. I need to figure out what to do to facilitate this. I have a sneaking suspicion that the coming year is going to be important on this front. Here’s hoping it’s positive.

I haven’t posted in a very long time. It’s been an interesting (read stressful) couple of years since I last posted. I’m happy to say that I am in good spirits for the first time in a very long time though.

I’ve been consuming marijuana daily for a few years now with the goal being to stitch my brain back together. I’m happy to say that it seems to have worked. My anxiety is way down, my motivation to do things is way up, and I have achieved some clarity.

I seem to have got my mental health issues in check now. Not gone, but controllable and livable. I’m frequently feeling the urge to be social again and am starting to figure out how to make friends again. I’m currently trying to find some regular social activities so I can build up a nice social group again. My apartment doesn’t look like a mellow episode of Hoarders any more and I am comfortable with the idea of allowing people in. At 48, I am actually starting to feel human again.

I’ll make an effort to keep this page updated but have some patience as I build positive habits. No promises, but I’m going to try 🙂

I got myself a PSVR bundle a few days ago. First off, I have to say it’s fucking amazing. I played a little over an hour in Eve: Valkyrie and I am solidly hooked. Very immersive and amazingly fun. It felt like what I always wanted playing Wing Commander on my friend Gilbert’s IBM PS/2 back in the early ’90s. A really amazing gaming experience, and I am looking forward to seeing what developers come up with for this peripheral. For me, this almost instantly turned into a must have device.
So, after playing some E:V I decide to check out another VR game. You can download a nice set of games known as Playroom VR that has 4 or 5 couch multiplayer games (where one person is using VR and the others are using the TV screen). One of these games is playable single player, and is a neat little 3D platformer. I played it for about 10 minutes, taking my time to look around and get into the VR experience. When I finished the game, something unexpected happened.
The game stopped showing me the game, and switched to the feed from my PSVR camera, and started counting down 3… 2…
Something I should mention here is that pants are from Satan’s bottom. Seriously, I hate wearing pants. Since I live alone, I tend to go completely naked. No one else here to be bothered by it, and I am completely physically comfortable.
So, on my screen is a picture of me wearing literally nothing but my PSVR headset, and counting down from 3. I don’t think I have pressed the PS Home button so quickly in my life.
Not cool Sony. Not. Fucking. Cool.

Holy shit is my back fucked up. My lower back has been wrecked for about a week now. Even seeing a masseuse hasn’t made it appreciably better. I am 90% sure it’s due to the shitty Wayfair.Com futon I am using. I should be getting a loft bed for my queen size memory foam matter this Tuesday. Raven is going to come by and help me assemble it. Hopefully not having a bar running down the middle of my back every night will help.

The loft bed is the first major step in accepting the tiny space I live in. It cost me $500 (with shipping) but will allow me to get my mattress out of storage, along with a few other boxes, and that should save me about $25 a month on storage fees. After I get that set up, I will get measurements for some homemade cat shelves. I have the shelf brackets, I just need to get the lumber and have it cut to length. Doing both of these will hopefully get my mind less cluttered by having less cluttered surroundings.

Pictures next week? Sure. Pictures next week.

I have tenants. I say that *I* have them, because part of me considers them to be under my protection. I don’t like all of them, but they are all mine.

One of my tenants is from Iraq, and was one of the insurgent forces that helped take down Saddam Hussein. He has been so close to becoming an American Citizen for about a year now, it’s not even funny. One thing or another has halted the process, and just as he was getting close to fixing the final issue, Trump gets into power. This man is likely not getting his US Citizenship for a very long time now, and every time he comes through the lobby it breaks my heart.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

Sadly, not a lot has really changed.

 

I am still at Plymouth Housing Group, but in a promoted capacity. I went from being a building assistant to the building coordinator. It means I am effectively the assistant manager. I work day shift now, and my duties include processing rent, entering work orders, interacting with third party vendors, that kind of stuff. Definitely more on the admin side of things. I’m actually enjoying it quite a bit. I still get daily face to face contact with my tenants which is really nice. We ratified our union contract recently, so I am making a “reasonable” hourly wage with some solid benefits. While I enjoy living on site (never underestimate the joy of a literally 30 second work commute) the size of the apartment is getting to me. Really, it’s the only negative to the job. I don’t seem to get along great with the swing and grave shift coworkers, but I don’t work with them directly so it’s not a huge deal. It would be nice if we all saw eye to eye and understood each others positions on things, but I am a pedantic work rule follower and most of them don’t follow basic direction so we shall always butt heads. /s

 

Still single.

 

I have seen some fan-fucking-tastic shows over the past year. Bumbershoot was not one of them. You won’t catch me going to Bumbershoot again after the shit show last year. I did however see Red Fang for the first time (mind blown), The Lennon Claypool Delerium were awe inspiring, and coming up I get to see Mastadon with Eagles of Death Metal and then soon after Rev. Horton Heat and Dale Watson at the fucking Tractor. I am disturbingly excited to see that.

 

I still have no real contact with anyone related to me by blood. I gave up on trying to stay in contact with my mother since she never returned phone calls, emails, or Facebook messages. If your reading this mom, I have had the same phone number and email address for nearly 20 years. Feel free to say hi.

 

Since I am single with no real bills, I tend to acquire tech toys. I will make some “review” posts on them individually. The one thing I will say now though is that NVidia really knows how to make a tablet.

 

The cats are both alive and healthy. I’ve been monitoring their food intake and Tucker is at a healthy weight now but Dale has a few pounds to lose. Speaking of which, I am seeing my doctor again, and trying to get back onto keto for good. A few months ago I lost 20 pounds in a month, but I am afraid that last few weeks of me dealing with shit (a murder in front of our building, some work stress, the annual post holiday loneliness Olympics) has had me eating *very* poorly. Trying to get back on track though.

 

I start seeing a therapist soon. It kind of disturbs me that I remember how to spell that by thinking “the rapist”.  Any way,  we have many things to talk about and I am hoping that seeing a therapist again will help me break some bad patterns so that I can get back on track to improving what has become a fairly solid and (theoretically) happy life.

 

So, here’s were I ask for a favor. There have been many WordPress and plugin updates since I last used this site, so I am unsure if things are going to populate out to Twitter and Google Plus properly. If you happen to see this post, please leave a comment letting me know that you did, and where. I suspect I have a fair amount of tweaking to do.

Jesse (the lead guitarist of the band I manage, Shedu) has loaned me a few PS4 games to get me by while I wait for Watch Dogs and Destiny to come out. The first is Assasins Creed 4, and the other is inFamous: Second Son. I opted to go with the Seattle based game first.

Been playing it off and on for a few weeks and was initially enjoying it. The controlls took a little too long to get used to, but I liked the over all feel of the game. I thought it was odd that I was busting drug dealers as freaquently as I was, but that will become clear in a moment. I went through and compleated *everything* in Seattle. All sections cleared 100%, all skill shards collected. Boots to asses for days. I was starting to get bored, the gameplay never really seemed to change. I finally get onto (what I am assuming is) the Aurora Bridge and it alludes to the fact that I want to go this way, but I have to complete a mission. I look at the map, and the onlything that shows up now are quick travel points and a star indicating where I started the game at. I check online and realize that that star is the start of a fucking mission, and not where I started the game at.

I am now merrily ripping through missions that seem *very* easy, and I assume that it feels that way because I have removed all sources of potential complication already. No fucking DUP in my town, thank you very much. I am now looking forward to playing more of this game again. I have to admit though that I feel a little stupid. I got a chance to meet and talk shop with the head of QA for SuckerPunch at Clever Dunnes the night the code went gold and they were prepping to ship. I bought him a congratulatory drink and had a pleasent time exchanging gaming QA war stories. I really can’t wait to bump into him again t let him know how epicly dumb I was with his baby. Should be a good night 🙂

 

Now I am off to bed. This following week is going to be very fun. I feel I should warn you all though, I have decided to pick up a PS4 camera so I can live stream my playing sessions of Watch Dogs. Beer, cursing, and dick and fart jokes will probably reach toxic levels. I’ll post pertinant info later for folks that want to help me on my path to internet mediocrity.