So, it’s been about 7 years since I have been in a serious relationship, and 6 years since I have been intimate with a woman. This is not a secret, I’ve told people this before and it’s nothing that I am ashamed of or embarrassed about, it’s just a fact.
The reasons for this are varied, but most of them stem in one way or another to my father passing away. When dad died, my anxiety and panic attacks came back with a serious vengeance, as if they were trying to make up for lost time. It’s hard to focus on meeting a good woman when the idea of going outside and interacting with people gives you such mind numbing panic that you feel that you won’t survive the night.
I have found a few women that I have been interested in, that I started to put a little focus on. The first one was a co-worker though and probably way to young for me (she was in her early 20’s, technically young enough to be my daughter), and the other two, while age appropriate, let me know that that they were not interested in me “in that way” when I made my interest known to them. Thankfully both of them are as social with me as normal, which due to my past anxiety problems, really wasn’t much to begin with in reality.
Yesterday, I went to the pet store to get some bird seed (needed to pay the kitty cable bill) and I saw an attractive woman cooing at the ferrets. I wandered over (with Elvis in tow, dogs make great wingmen) and started chatting her up about ferrets. She was very responsive, asked questions, laughed at my jokes, kept moving closer to me, all positive signs. I was about to give her my phone number so she could call with any questions when her boyfriend wandered over and started asking questions as well. I think I actually heard the sad_trombone.wav play over the stores PA system.
So, I’m not really afraid of talking to ladies. I can be perfectly sociable in public. I know for a fact that some women like men my size, as my last two partners made clear. I think my problem is that I just don’t know where to go to meet eligible ladies. I’m not looking for sex (I know if I was just looking for sex, I could have gotten laid in the past 6 years) but someone to eventually click with and spend my life with. I tried using online services and they are all shit. So at this point is where I “crowd source” . If any of you, my friends, know of a woman that you think “she and Bizket would get along great”, or heaven forbid are a lady yourself that is interested in getting to know me better, please speak up. I am really getting tired of these dreams that combine women I am interested in into one person that spend the entire dream telling me how great I am but that I’m just not their type. Seriously. I don’t have sex dreams any more, I have “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” dreams now.
Help a guy out.