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Monthly Archives: April 2013

I am massively out of shape, this is no secret. My scale is broken but I suspect that I am legitimately at or over 400 pounds right now. I can’t really exercise the way I would like to because of all the joint stress  it would cause me, so I really need to drop about 50 to 75 pounds before I can really get started. I saw a photo linked on Reddit in a thread that purports that the images pictured are what that family (I suspect each is supposed to represent a normal family) goes through in a week. It is pulled from a more in depth slideshow at Times web site.

The first thing that I noticed was how much Coca Cola the Mexican family goes through in a week. 12 two litre bottles for a family of five, per week. Thats slightly over two per person per week, and that is fucking insane. Their total food bill is $189.09 ($37.82 per person) a week. I did notice however that there were some really interesting looking ones. The Kuwaiti diet looks really nice, and it’s $221.45 a week for a family of eight people ($27.68 per person). The Chinese diet looks really neat too, and it is $155.06 for four people ($38.76). Bhutan spend $5.03 for a family of 12 ($0.42 per person).

I have been wanting to get back in shape and lose weight but have not been able to get the focus to do it. I think what I want to try now is to do what some of these more basic diets are doing. Only five to 10 ingredients in the staple diet and prepared simply. I have my weekly subscription to a local CSA so I have organic produce delivered to me, so I may up the amount of produce being sent and supplement that with rice and home baked goods. I am going to challenge myself for one month to limit my food intake to what is in this box, meat, and bread that I can bake. I get my next box next Friday, so that is when I will officially start this challenge. Every Friday, I will post here what came in the box and I will put together a basic meal plan. I will then keep a food diary and post once a day with that information as well as the recipes I come up with.

I would appreciate it if folks would keep me on task. Please feel free to call me out if I am not doing my posts like I want or if I seem to be slipping away from the intent. I would really like to be under near 300 pounds by the end of the year and can use all the help I can get.

It would appear the Bobcat did a standup tour last year and recorded an evening. It’s called “You don’t look the same either“, is on Netflix, and is *fucking* hilarious. Get on that shit.

Got plenty of plans for this week. Tomorrow, Raven and I are taking Wash and Elvis to the off leash park so they can run around like psycho-pups, then it’s off to Costco. I am hoping to find some inexpensive silicone bread pans there which will then facilitate the making of some banana bread later that night.

If that goes well then the banana bread will be consumed at the zoo on Thursday where Raven, the baby Connor and I will wander about and look at adorable animals while I work on my eager uncle role and take tons of pictures of the boy and surrounding animals.

Friday will be spent doing some yard work and *hopefully* getting my room back into order. The house guest moving in has caused me some storage issues and my room has been too packed to keep properly clean. I intend to rectify the issue. I will also be baking a dairy free cheesecake for Nessa’s birthday party on Saturday.

Saturday will be the aforementioned party for Nessa. I suspect beer and meat will be consumed along with some social interaction and mild shenanigans.

Sunday and Monday will be days of rest so that I have plenty of energy to vibrate in my seat at the Iron Man 3 premiere on Tuesday. All around, a fairly solid and social week.

The current uke challenge is going on in /r/Ukulele and I decided to go with the cover of Bankrupt on Selling that I did last week. Feel free to go check out the songs people are doing and upvote the ones you like 🙂




I’m happy right now. Not the conditional happiness that I have felt every now and then over the past several years since my dad died, but untainted honest happiness. In the past when I was happy it always came with the same conditions, happy compared to how miserable I always feel. Happy despite where I was financially and emotionally. Not joyful.

Tonight I spent the day with one of my best friends and his baby boy. I played with many dogs and cats. I had a nice home cooked dinner followed by more visiting and dog play, then drinks and more cherished friends. I’m back doing something that I love for people I care about. And there are no conditions attached to it. No fear, no comparison to how my day to day has been. I was told the light is back in my eyes.

Holy fuck, I’ve missed this feeling.

Had a cup of coffee about 2 hours ago which means that I will be up for a while. Getting ready to play some Defiance when I hear from outside my room what sounds like a Predator doing it’s ratcheting sound, but with a raccoons voice.

The implications are mind bending.

If none of you hear from me tomorrow, please assume that I have succumb to our new alien/procyonid overlords and that I am now some kind of mount that they are riding into battle.

This is a test for cross posting to G+. Please disregard.

It’s been slightly less than three days since I had my minor epiphany about my anxieties. The day before was spent parsing this new information. Today was spent feeling more productive than I have in a while. I have been intending to go through all of my boxes and re-organize and discard unneeded things (like some clothes I don’t like) but have been in such a deep funk that I haven’t been able to get started. Between yesterday and today, I got about 4 boxes of stuff dealt with as well as 6 loads of laundry, two loads through the dishwasher, bread made, music practiced, and animals loved. I ate less over the past two days than I normally do, didn’t feel wanting, and most all of it was pretty healthy. I even got a little exercise in today. Things are looking brighter.

I am still depressed about my work situation, but I am expecting to hear an update from my contact at the startup soon, as well as getting called about an interview at the other company sometime this week. I’m super excited to go spend time with friends for birthday shenanigans this weekend (I intend to bake two cheesecakes, some rolls and cornbread for the party) and I will also expect that the house guest will continue to be vanished while Aaron is at Coachella so will have the house to myself for the whole weekend.

Part of me is concerned that this could just be a manic phase that will pass, but then I remember that there was a time that this feeling and energy was all normal. Hopefully this will be a trend.

I talked to one of the people I consider my brother, Corey Smith, the other day. He was concerned about the post I made the other day discussing my state of mind and wanted to touch base. I had a few people get in touch with me, and I appreciate all of you doing so. Corey and I have a few differences in the political and theological areas but at our cores we hold the same basic values, so it is always good to talk to a man I have known for 20 years that understands where I am coming from and how it got me here.

During our talk, something I have always known but never thought about came to the forefront of my mind. As I grew up, I was always surrounded by drugs. There was always weed in large amounts but it was not uncommon for there to be mushrooms, cocaine or LSD in the house. Every night while  laying on the floor watching television my parents would smoke out for an hour or two. I remember some specific times where I would be awake late at night watching my parents and their friends whacked out of there gourds playing volleyball or badminton in the front yard. Couple this with the issues that my dad was trying to escape and how he took it out on me and mom and things start to make sense.

When I escaped my childhood existence I pretty much jumped straight into drug use myself, and took it to a level that was unhealthy for me. After my 3 years of drug abuse (weed, LSD, mushrooms and prescription pain killers) I realized the path I was headed down and went cold turkey. This is when the anxiety and panic attacks started and it has affected me in varying degrees for 9 out of the last 21 years.

It is just dawning on me that the fact that my parents always had drugs in the house and usually on them, coupled with my personal experiences doing them myself, is what has created this anxiety. Everywhere I go I assume that at least half the people are carrying and that triggers the anxiety which bubbles into full blown panic if I don’t manage the situation asap. Now that I know what is causing this trigger, and where the trigger came from, I can start manage it more successfully. Hopefully this really is the start of a more sane and stable me. I am pretty sure this is also what is keeping me from getting back in shape since I feel like the bigger I am the less likely people will want to be around me so fewer people to worry about having drugs on them.

Wish me luck 🙂

Yesterday was my twice a month get out of the house excursion. This involves grocery shopping and hitting the local thrift shops. I was on a mission at the thrift shops and kept my focus fairly tight. Sadly, I didn’t find the specific bread box that I wanted (one of those adjustable plastic ones with the slicing guide built in) but I did find a complete Toddy system that looked like it had never been used for $7.

When I was homeless in Portland 20+ years ago is when I *really* got into coffee. There was a little coffee shop called Cafe Omega (now known as Tugboat Brewery) and they had a fantastic policy. They actually *liked* us homeless kids and gutter punks and would let us spend hours at a time hanging out there. A few times we were even encouraged to step inside to avoid the occasional police sweeps that would come through looking to harass us. Generally, I would show up around 10 P.M. if I hadn’t made it to the shelter on time to get a cot and get a cup of drip coffee for 7s cents. The next 8 to 10 hours would be spent playing cards or chess with the other punks that came by to hang out, as well as cup after cup of 25 cent refills, which we usually only got charged for every third cup or so. That was one of the few romantic aspects of that period of time. Needless to say, this started my tragic love affair with coffee.

After a few years of this, I got off the streets but my coffee habit continued. Now that I had some money in my pocket from doing either market research or flipping burgers, I could afford to drink coffee at home. I did this with much gusto. This went on for a few years, but after averaging about 4 pots of the juice a day for about 4 years, the caffeine and acids in coffee were taking their toll. I was starting to have serious stomach pains and it would feel like Thor himself was grasping my heart and squeezing. I was told by a doctor to cool it on the coffee before things started getting permanent.

This is when I started learning to live life without caffeine, and to be honest it’s not bad. I sleep better, my chest doesn’t feel like it’s got 220v coursing through it all the time, and I am far less edgy than I used to be. The magical thing is though that if I *need* to be awake *RIGHTTHEFUCKNOW* I can drink a large half caff drip and be juiced for the whole day. The acids still screw with my stomach a bit though.

Cold pressed coffee is the answer to this for me. This method of brewing gets all the taste (and I miss the *taste* of coffee) with almost none of the acidity and bitterness. I was making cold press coffee for a while with a setup I cobbled together but the process was annoying and messy. This Toddy system is *really* easy and simple to clean up. Last night I got it going with a mix of 1/3 dark French roast with full caffeine and 2/3 medium roast ‘house’ blend decaf. I now have a low acidity, low caffeine concentrate of coffee that mixes 1:3 with hot water to make a brilliant cup of coffee.

So, I sit here typing this with a large cup of happiness, 2 stevia and a splash of half and half, and let the hint of caffeine play with the tips of my neurons as I listen to the birds outside my window. It feels nice. Welcome back my friend.