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Monthly Archives: March 2014

Picked up pretty much everything I need to start making refrigerator pickles. My first couple of batches are going to be a pickled asparagus, pickled green beans, and pickled garlic. I have the stuff to do hot pack (e.g. shelf stable) but I want to do a batch of each as fridge pickles to see how things taste. If the brussel sprouts I have in the fridge are still ok, I may try pickling those as well.

As part of the prep for doing this, I washed all of the jars and rings. As I was dragging the portable washer out and in front of the sink, it dawned on me that I don’t have to move it to hook it up to the faucet. Seriously, I have been rolling that thing out from it’s spot next to the fridge to in front of the sink for no reason other than stupidity for months now. The dumb is strong with this one.

It would appear that I was incorrect in them already finishing up my background check. That is still happening and my boss seems to believe that it will be another week or two for them to finish that and get all the paperwork signed on their end to get me my offer letter. Not unexpected, but that does mean probably 3 more weeks before I get my benefits. I really can’t wait to get my vision checked for contacts / glasses and to go see the dentist.

Speaking of work, I actually enjoy my new position. I am gradually learning everything I need to know, and I can do 90% of my job while listening to music or podcasts so it makes my day fly. Today I sat down at my desk after lunch (which was spent practicing with my uke in the sun) and when I glanced at the time again it was 4 P.M.. Felt like minutes had passed. The only thing that is getting to me is how negative some of my co-workers are. I am still in training so when I ask a question I get about 4 or 5 minutes of ‘well this thing sucks and is the most horrible thing in the world’ before actually getting any actual instruction. I understand that they are probably burned out but I really don’t need to be drug down with them. After a particularly lengthy rant the other day about how everyone in the company except for the people on our team don’t know what they are doing, and how we don’t get paid enough, and how horrible what we do is, I just looked at them and said “I’m not answering phone calls from upset customers all day long, and even if I still was it means I have a job and a roof over my head. I love this job.”. It seemed to quiet them up a bit, but I think I am going to have to figure out how to mitigate this. I feel rude listening to my music turned up loud enough to not hear them for most of the day but there is only so much of the constant complaining that I can take. I need to figure out how to broach this with my team as a whole without sounding like an asshole.

On the gaming front, I seem to have been sucked into Diablo 3 pretty hard. I have my Harcore Mage up to level 52 on the Hard difficulty and that pleases me on some weird level. Still toying with the idea of getting the expansion, but I need to wait for my raise for that. My PS3 got the yellow light of death and I got it quasi fixed, but it is still over heating. Nick is going to take a look at it and can hopefully get it going. If not then I will probably put off getting a PS4 and replace the PS3. Too many games that I would like to finish on it, and I can get a used one at a reasonable price.

Starting to really get the urge to date again but I don’t know any single women that seem interested and the only places that I seem to meet women I am interested in are at work or while drinking at bars, and neither seems like the best of locations to look for romantic companionship. OK Cupid is a dead end, and I have no real idea of where to go to meet a nice and mellow lady that enjoys playing board games, watching marathon sessions of tv shows, and has an artistic bent. If any of you have suggestions or have a friend you might think would be interested in meeting me, fucking speak up ๐Ÿ™‚

Started playing Civ V yesterday for the first time. Now it’s midnight and I intended to go to bed two hours ago. One more turn my fat ass.

Speaking of music (work with me), Shawn Smith has put his original demo record from 1990 up. $6 will get you four tracks of good tunes. If you like the man, get on this now since he is thinking of pulling it in a few hours.

Life has been pretty rough for me over the past several years. Six years ago I walked away from a promotion into a management track to spend what would be the last year of his life with my father. Ever since then my life has slid progressively down hill. It took me months to find work after the move and after my dad passed away my contract ended. I couldn’t afford to live in my apartment any more so I house sat for a few months, dipping deep into probably one of the worst depressions I have had in my life and that would stay with me for years. It caused my anxiety and panic attacks to come back worse than they had ever been in my life. ย I had been blacklisted from Intel due to one person having the right friend in Security, and was unable to compete for the few jobs available to me in Portland.

I talked to my friend Skippy and told him what was going on, so for my 37th birthday I spent the weekend moving back to Washington to live in his spare room with the help of Tarah and Aaron. I stayed there for 2 years while I tried to get my life back on track. My depression seemed to even out but my anxiety got worse. I got some good jobs but was too far gone mentally to enjoy it and see that things were getting better. After being laid off from my dream job after about a year I got a shitty customer service job that I bust my ass on. I was able to barely afford to get my own place and took the chance. I was starting to feel happy again but soon after moving in I was let go for expressing interest in going from support to the QA team. I ended up in an even shittier support job a few days later that only lasted for a month. I couldn’t afford my apartment any more and during the ensuing months I turned into a hermit. My anxiety was under control thanks to my force of will and the therapist I had seen ย for a few months the year prior but my depression was coming back harder than before.

I ended up moving in with my friend Aaron for what was supposed to be 3 months while I was waiting for a ‘guaranteed’ position at a company to open up. It never opened up and I was there for a year, feeling useless, unloved, unwanted and a burden. I got another support job thanks in part to some friends and a manager that was able to see that I was legitimately fighting for my life. I was briefly homeless again for a month while I waited for an apartment to open up that I could afford and I dipped a little further back into the depression cookie jar.After 10 months of slinging support calls, I recently got my promotion into a different team helping with back end issues (not in a technical way though) and found out soon after that I was going to be pulled on full time.

It’s been 6 years of perceived hell, honestly probably tied for the most difficult time of my life. I’ve come out of it smelling like a dirty bathroom with Glade sprayed in it, but I have my own place again and I am feeling healthy, both physically and mentally. I am remembering who I am but more importantly who I was. Now I try to bring the good things back and let the last bits of fear and sadness drop away. Thankfully most of the things that are bringing me down right now will only require a little work on my part to wipe away. I can see sunlight ahead of me.

I feel like I have lost *a lot* of time. Almost 1/2 of my life has been lived in fear and braggadocio.The fear and sadness is what is finally giving and breaking away to make way for who I want to be. Huge chunks of sorrow and anxiety are falling to the ground behind me leaving me naked and smiling, ready for the chance to be who I really am and to pursue the life that will make me happy.

And now you can’t get the idea of me naked and smiling out of your head. ๐Ÿ™‚

If you are on Google+ and can see this post, please leave me a comment and let me know.

It was a minorly productive day. My apartment looks like a laundry hamper exploded in it, but I managed to get 3 totes unpacked and put on shelves. It’s not organized mind you, but I have shit out of boxes.

I am now trying to get to sleep, but between not realizing what time it was and drinking a few cups of regular tea earlier as well as a Cherry Coke Zero and then unknowingly spilling some of my nicotine vape juice on my hand and not getting it wiped up before it mostly absorbed, I am on an insane body high while my brain is demanding sleep. Looks like I will be working on about 5 and a half hours of sleep. Thankfully the project I am currently focused on is an insane backlog of stuff I can do on 3/4 auto pilot. Tomorrow night though, I am bound and determined to get in bed by 9:30 P.M. so I can get an actual 8 hours of sleep in.

If these are the worst things that I realistically have to complain about in my life then I will consider myself a lucky man.

Been up for almost 24 hours. Bourbon, card games and friends made it happen. So much for my plans of putting in 8 hours of OT tomorrow. I should be able to manage at least 4 though.

Spent a fair chunk of yesterday and today practicing after restringing my ukes. Working on some new covers and feeling more comfortable with my voice. I really want to find a vocal instructor for about 3 months of weekly lessons. I might have to ask Shawn Smith if he would be interested and how much he would charge, considering that one of the songs is a Brad tune ๐Ÿ™‚

This actually sounds pretty good on the ukulele when I don’t fuck up the transition to the E chord.

Seriously, what should I do today. Been practicing on my uke all morning. I really want to be social but I can not afford to spend a lot of money. Any of you doing entertaining things today that I can join in on?

Been tired of Facebook for a long time and am cutting myself out except for band stuff on a band only account very soon. Posts will be happening here from now on. If I can figure out how to cross post to FB, I may leave that account open for lazy folks to read this stuff, but probably not.