With another night of sleep I am feeling a little better, and I know that will continue. It’s still frustrating though. Feeling like I have no real support group and only three people that I would consider friends right now makes it more difficult than it should be. I’m starting to look around for public board game nights and the like to start being social again. Some day I might even start dating again, now wouldn’t that be nice?
Apparently media have been bugging some of my tenants. Thankfully they haven’t camped out in front of my building like they have the building of the other Plymouth tenant that was a victim. I’m not sure how I would react to having vultures stare at me all day waiting for something ‘newsworthy’. I like to think it would involve calm and couth conversation, but really I would probably moon the camera and pee on their news van to establish dominance.
Been thinking of getting the stream back up and running and putting some energy into that again. I’ll definitely update here when that happens.
Ok, time to work. Have a peaceful day humans.
We had multiple shootings in downtown Seattle, three separate incidents over a 24 hour period. In one of those a long time tenant of mine was murdered. She was out with a friend and had nothing to do with the shooting, but she’s dead and her friend remains in serious condition in hospital.
I was not particularly close to this tenant and am not overly upset at her passing, much like I am not upset about Kobe Bryant’s passing. I didn’t know either of these people particularly well and don’t have an emotional connection to them. I am however very angry and don’t know how to direct that anger right now.
The level of gun violence has become insane since I was a kid in the ’70s. I am at the point that if my job did not require me to live on site, I would probably move. Living in Downtown Seattle has become miserable for me. After dealing with the murder on 3rd in front of my last building 3 years or so ago, I just don’t feel comfortable being downtown any more. Because of this I don’t leave my apartment unless I need to, and even then I will put off picking up meds by a day or two depending on how I am feeling.
I have no idea what to do about it any more. I have spent the weekend struggling with what old me would do. Old me would try to find the people that murdered her and beat them into a pulp then hand whats left to the police. Present day me is old, out of shape, and emotionally beat down so I crawled into a quarter ounce of weed this last weekend and allowed myself to process.
Sadly, I didn’t work much out. All I did was seem to cement that the world that exists outside my door is not the one I thought was there. The new world is more intrusive, seemingly more violent, more divisive, and certainly less of everything I used to love. I have found that I have almost no friends and I expect I did that myself. I catch myself feeling maudlin a lot of the time any more, wistful for what I used to think was a miserable existence but at times wish I could go back to so I could feel some level of innocence again.
Overall, I have felt mental health improvement over the past few years of being in this building, specifically over the past year, but I don’t feel anywhere as good mentally as I did 20 years ago. I need to figure out what to do to facilitate this. I have a sneaking suspicion that the coming year is going to be important on this front. Here’s hoping it’s positive.